I know I saw
by Yalith's wolf
Summary: After 6x06, Dean is left to face that something is very wrong with his baby brother... This is Dean relfecting on Sam.


_This is a short story I wrote on Dean's thoughts about Sam over the years, although it mainly focuses on what I thought he was thinking in "You Can't Handle the Truth"._

I thought I saw him standing there, watching, an unfamiliar glint in his eye. I thought I saw a calm, pleased, almost evil smirk weave its way across his smug features. I thought I saw my little brother, the boy I had raised since he was six months old, _happy_ to see me turned into a blood-sucking monster.

I was four years old when my father handed me my baby brother and told me to take him outside as fast as I could and not look back. I've always wanted to turn back time so that my mother didn't die that night. So that we didn't have the lives of hunters. However, I got to see what that would be like once. And it meant that my brother and I barely spoke. So, for once, I was happy that we had been rasied like we had. Yeah, I wanted normal. But I wanted my baby brother more.

I remember one Christmas Dad left us for a job and I kept telling my brother that he'd be back in time for the holiday. Before Dad got back though, my brother caught us in our lies and I had to tell him about the job. That Christmas, I pretended Dad had come for his sake. But he was too smart. And it didn't help that I'd accidently stolen girl presents either. In return for my honesty and always being a good brother, he gave me a present that he had meant for our dad. It was a pendent and I wore it for years after, never taking it off.

Years after that Christmas, we finally managed to kill the thing that killed our mother. But at the price of his life, then my soul. I was more than willing to go to Hell for him but his unwillingness to let me go made things harder. It shook me up too, though I tried to hide it from him. After a while of hiding it though, he told me that I didn't need to hide it because he knew that I was afraid. He also told me that I had been his hero since he was four and he spent his life trying to be like me. What he didn't understand was that he was fine just the way he was. He passed my inspection a long time ago.

So, I went to Hell. And when I got back, my kid brother was nothing like who I had left. He was disrespectful towards women, killed anything he had to, make unbelieveable sacrifices, and trusted a demon. It was all I could do not to demand that he tell me what happened to him. Deep down, I knew that there was something wrong. There was. The strong, brave, sensitive overgrown man that was my little brother was addicted to demon blood. Because of it, he betrayed me and started the Apocolypse.

I was furious and couldn't make myself trust him for a long time after. He knew it too and left for a while because of it. I tried telling myself that I didn't miss him but no one could make me smile or laugh like he could. That's just how brothers work. So, we joined back together and were slowly working through things when we found the solution to the Apocolypse. My little brother had to sacrifice himself and jump into Lucifer's cage, the worst level of Hell you could imagine. It made me realize that he wasn't my snot-nosed little brother anymore. He was a grown- well, overgrown- man and I really couldn't stop him. However, being who he was, he probably wouldn't have done it if I didn't agree. So, I did, even though I hated myself for doing so. It was hard for him, but he came through for the world and me and made the leap.

I went back to an old fling and her son, not knowing what else I could do. A year later, he came to my aid against a djinn and I found out that he'd been back for nearly that whole year. Naturally, I was hurt and angry but I put that aside and helped him and our family he found with the job. I helped with another one too until my girlfriend convinced me to go back on the road for good.

To be honest, I think I missed traveling with him. Although, there was still something off. He didn't seem to care anymore. Not about anything. He used a baby as bait and let an angel torture a child. The old him would have used anything available to stop those things from happening.

Then, the unthinkable happened. One night, I was turned by a vampire. It caused me to loose my girlfriend and any hope I had of being part of something normal. Later, I found out that he had let it happen. I was determined that it wasn't him anymore and that something was walking around in my brother's body.

But later a Pagan Goddess made it so that no one could lie to me and I took my chance. My brother looked me straight in the face and said that he froze and was unable to help me. My heart sank because I was beginning to realize that maybe he was just becoming as ruthless as I was once and still was deep down. Maybe it was the job and maybe even my sweet baby brother had no chance of staying innocent and kind.

All that changed, though, when we ran into her and she asked us questions, rubbing in the fact that we couldn't lie our way out of anything. But then she yelled at my brother for lying to her and asked me what he was. I didn't know what she meant so she clarified that he wasn't human. Right after that, he broke loose, then I broke loose, and then we killed her.

I turned on him after that and demanded answers. He told me that he as different and he'd known for a while. He told me that he just didn't feel anything anymore and he didn't mind making sacrifices, no matter what they were. He finished by saying that he needed help. I lost it then and punched him until he was unconsious.

My name is Dean Winchester and I _know_ I saw my brother Sam happy to let me be turned into a blood-sucking monster.


End file.
